The final entry in the first Opera of the Rudolph The Terrible Viking cycle, this song recaps the results of the ballet battle between Rudolph and Bezobub. Bezobub retreats in ignominy as Rudolph peacefully triumphs against evil once again.
Part II, The Baby Rudolph Cycle, which is Rudolph’s origin story, will begin to publish forthwith.
Lyrics:
Spinning somewhere out in space
In a giant legal orifice
Are the lawyers who power Bezobub’s
Relentless assault on justice
And a parelegal named Peggy Sue
Prepares all the subpoenas
That represent the humongous tip
Of Bezobub’s legal penis
Lawyer ... Apocalypse
Lawyers everywhere
Spouting bullshit day and night
If you poisoned every one of them
We could put things right!
Bezobub has the pretzel power
of the law upon his side
To tie Rudolph up in a courtroom
Until everyone alive has died
And his lawyers cackle gleefuly
While filing endless motions
Rudolph’s victory paralyzed
By fiendish legal lotion
The arguments are specious
Bezobub didn’t even dance
But now he claims a victory
Because he wore nice pants
Nothing was ever surer
To arouse his evil cock
Than sirens singing the degenerate sound
Of legal retro jazz-funk rock
[Bezobub:]
The truth doesn’t matter unless you’re a fool
Per my propaganda I won the duel
And I’ll cheat like the swine I objectively am
The public will eagerly lap up the scam
His believers don’t think him defeated
Unimportant is the fact that he cheated
[Rudolph]
Oh Bezobub, slink off in shame
You ‘re no longer in the game
Your fortune is depleted
Your fraud exposed for good
And now I’m in possession
Of your lunar Hollywood
With Bezobub defeated
And Rudolph running strong
Perhaps it is the time
For a rousing viking song
And Rudolph is the master
Of a supernatural power
That turns his enemies
Into wholesome whole wheat flour
And the psychedelic helmet
Triumphs over foes
The power of its love prevails
Wherever it goes
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